A smoker is as smoker does (Run Fellows Run 😉 ..if you are not in a
boozy mood then I suggest you back off from reading this)…
A conversation b/w two people…
psycho: Good morning, isn’t it a great day outside?
me: yeh…may be
psycho: may be?
me: I mean.., I don’t like mornings much…
psycho: hmm..very well..so..whats your story?
me: usual, got hooked the very first time…been trying to quit from then on..
psycho: typical…let me see..so how long have you been a smoker?
me: I think … around for 2 and half years now..
psycho: and an average of how many per day..?
me: 10..though I don’t keep a count you see..but I think you can make
it a pack per day..
psycho: hmmm..A typical smoker averages around 5-7..so whatever
the effect is, make it 5 years..
me: so..what do you think?
psycho: well, you say you did try quitting?
me: Many times..probably, I can say every other day..But you see whenever
I try, I get too confused, unable to think straight..always end up with nicotine..
I feel I have a purpose as long I keep smoking..
psycho: Ah..The purpose of oneself in life..well, I completely understand
what exactly you are going through..while you smoke, it soothes your agitated
mind and then you have clarity in your thoughts which gives you a direction..
The thing is…there are other ways to reach that state..and there is no need to
connect your smoking with your purpose in life..
me: well, I am not sure how else it could be done..
psycho: hmmm, would you mind if I ask you what’s your purpose..?
me: well, you see..its pretty serious..if I smoke then I can focus on quitting it..
I have a purpose and that is to quit..but as soon as I quit..I am totally clueless ..
psycho: hmm..so..that’s why you have quit many times…
psycho: so..what exactly you wanted to meet me for?
me: not sure..heard that you help people quit smoking and you are an accomplished
psycho: hmm..you know what…you are generally not sure about anything, thats your
problem..what a waste if you ask me…
me: yeh well..are sure about it..? because I am not :wink:……Can I have one?..and
I take a cigarrate out
psycho: Definitely…lit one for me too..
me: but I thought you quit!!!
psycho: Yes…well, you see…the beauty of quitting is…now that I have
quit….I can have one..
me: Yes..yes..and I lit one for him..but you have quit..
and we shut up for a while as we loose ourselves in the smoke…
psycho: you know what, smoking is like being in love…
me: you mean…it starts with pleasure and ends up in pain…
psycho: Not if you want it to..but that again is an affair..I am talking about love…
and he looks at me as if I am the freshest idiot in the world..
me: well, how do I know…I never had an affair and had never been
in love either..
psycho: Love…you see..usually it starts with attraction..except
for the ones where they say “love at first sight”…Smoking is similar..
you see people around you smoking…trendy, fashionable and you try
to imitate..this is love starting with attraction..
me: And you believe there is something called “love at first sight”..
psycho: well, mine was..you want to know..let me tell you…..and he takes
one long shot..sits back and I have a perfect pre – flashback scene
It was 5:30 in the morning and I was on my bike and heading to the
railway station..I was going to Mysore for the weekend..I went to the
station, parked my bike and paid the parking lot guy, 2 days worth parking
money..I was counting the change and as I kept my wallet in my pocket
and looked up..I saw her..the sky was still dark and she was coming out under
the street light, carrying her luggage…The yellowish-orange light glowing on
her face..She kept her luggage down..holding the band in her mouth, she
shook her head and both her hands were crawling up her hair..I had lived an
entire lifetime by this time…she turned around and our eyes saw each other..
both the pairs saw through..there was no shyness, no questions, but a clear
recognition..a recognition of a search getting completed..She took the band
out of her mouth and made a bun of her hair..all the while our eyes never looked
askance..The sun was now born from the womb in the East..I heard the birds
humming, flying over to the distant fields..The sound of train that I had abandoned
led to the beginning of a whole new world…The day was April 28 1999 and it is
still going on..that day…dies with me..
me: wait..so you are saying..I mean I never wanted to smoke because I saw others
doing it..It was on my hostel terrace..we were talking crap as usual for a long
time and a friend pulls out a pack and looks at us..Till that time I had never
thought about smoking…I took one, cut a bit and lit it..It came naturally…Usually
people need to be taught..I took a long shot and before I could exhale, I knew
I had found…
psycho: Couldn’t you wait till I had finished…huh..yes, you are right..
but irrespective of the way the love starts..what really is important is
the way it flourishes…But considering how deeply you are interested in
love..let me not go into details..may be some other time..
me: I am glad…but the way I see it..you are not actually asking me to
psycho: well, I have quit
me: I mean to quit in the real sense…
psycho: I thought you would have got that by this time..When people say
quit smoking..kick the butt..I think they are simply chasing the wrong
dream…once a smoker..always a smoker..but when I say quit..I mean quit
the habit..make peace with it..Instead of a pack..reduce it to one per
day…then probably, once in a while to once in a year..But make sure
you give the relationship due respect..else it will come haunting you
10 times manifold..
It was around 2 AM..I turned around and picked a kingweiser(a king and a
budweiser..in case you thought i misspelled kingfisher 😉 )..I had
couple of turns with the bud, went out of my room, to the terrace..I was
not sure whether it was a dream or I dozed of boozing..the breeze from
the lake (yes there is lake 100ft from where I stay)geared by the
surrounding trees, knocked me out..The sight of the lake reflecting the
street lights was turning out really mysterious by the time I had half
emptied the bud..I had a sudden urge to write something, I picked a pen
and a book..The bud was burning my insides while the wind got wilder…I
came inside my room..took one big shot of sutta, closed my eyes, smoked
in for a long time…nicotine went all the way down..I started writing
the above..and for a while I quit smoking forever…